Thank Me Later: Primping for the Perpetually Perspiring

If you know me, you know that no matter the weather, what I am wearing, or if I am indoors or outside, I am sweating. I take medication for this, but it usually isn’t quite enough. As such, I have learned to take a number precautions in order to “sweat-proof” my cosmetics.  For this post, I am going to share my entire routine. However, I am only going to specifically mention products insofar as they used to increase the longevity of my makeup.

STEP ONE: Prime your face

Use a foundation primer all over your T-zone and wherever else you might become sweaty or oily. I really like this primer from Too Faced, although Smashbox has a pretty dope one as well.

Too Faced Primed & Poreless Skin Smoothing Face Primer – $30

STEP TWO: Foundation
STEP THREE: Concealer
STEP FOUR: Set concealer with powder

With some heavier coverage foundations this might not be as necessary, but I do this as an extra precaution.

Rimmel London Stay Matte Pressed Powder in Transparent 001 – $4.99

STEP SIX: Spritz #1 of makeup-setting spray

One probably does not need to do two rounds of this makeup-setting spray, but again, I take extra precautions. This is just my face makeup: I have miles to go before I sleep (or, rather, go out). This stuff by Urban Decay is a godsend.

 Urban Decay All-Nighter Long-Lasting Makeup Setting Spray – $30

STEP SEVEN: Eyeshadow primer

If I’m going to wear shadow, that is. This primer keeps your eyelids from getting greasy and developing any creases. It makes it stay on for a considerably longer time as well.


Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion in Original – $10

STEP EIGHT: Eyeliner

Obviously waterproof. As I mentioned in my favorites post, I am especially partial to Stila’s felt-tip liners. Since I am lazy and because I think I said it pretty well the first time:

These felt-tipped liquid eyeliner pens are a gift from god: super easy application, will last through nuclear holocaust, and great value. As a chronically sweaty person, these babies have made my life so much easier since I never have to worry about the color coming off.  Come what may – rain, a quick cry, or beer splashed in your face – the long-lasting formula will ensure your liner continues to look fre$h. The only things that may come between you and this little miracle are a dip in the pool or shower, and eye makeup remover.

Stila Stay All Day Waterproof Liquid Eye Liner in black – $20

STEP NINE: Mascara

Again, it should go without saying that I’m using something waterproof. There are a lot of great waterproof mascaras out there though, so I will let you be the judge.

STEP 10: Blush or highlighter
STEP 11: Spritz #2 of makeup-setting spray

Grab the UD for round two!

STEP 12: Lip liner

Make sure to blend it on your lips: it will make your lipstick or gloss last longer!

Urban Decay 24/7 Glide-On Lip Pencil in Ozone – $20

STEP 13: Lipstick or gloss


This routine has kept my face on through an entire day outside at a summer music festival while drunkenly dancing. Hope some of these tips are helpful!

Ultimate Five-Minute Makeup Routine

A five-minute makeup fix for the perpetually late

The number of “five-minute fixes” you can find in print or online seem absolutely endless, and it can be pretty overwhelming since nearly every one is spewing some different sort of advice. “Smear on some brown lippy!” “Purple eyeliner!” “Just focus on your foundation!” But which one do you choose? If you go the lipgloss-and-mascara route, you’ll spend all day worrying about your brows and uneven complexion. If you go foundation-only, you’ll be worried about looking like a cadaver all day. As for brown lipstick…see here. When you look at your face post-“quick fix” and compare it to the photo of red carpet-Leighton Meester or Zoe Saldana, whose faces yours is now SUPPOSED to resemble, it can feel kind of soul-crushing. And when you’re standing in front of the mirror with 4:59 left on the clock before you absolutely must go, it’s tempting to just throw in the towel and say “fuck it, I don’t need any makeup, I’ll just wear a Trader Joe’s bag over my head and cut out some eye holes.” But fear not, helpless child! As someone usually running behind schedule, I have mastered (sort of) the art of 5-minute makeup. Here are my step-by-step instructions that will actually have you ready to go with AT LEAST 5-10 seconds of time to spare. Obviously, those seconds are for practicing kissy faces. You’ll look natural, refreshed, and relieved–like you just walked off the set of a commercial for birth control. You’re welcome.

bye bitches

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